Upcoming Event
by: Schvach Yid

Every Jew knows (hah!) that Purim is next week, so I won’t say anything more about it,
except this: conversion to Judaism is one of my favored topics – I’m a big fan of it, although I oppose proselytizing.

So,? So this: near the conclusion of the Book of Esther, we are told that many Persians joined the Jewish People (close of chapter 8).

No wonder my maternal grandparent’s apartment was covered in Persian rugs (ta da dum).

But here’s something else. On the morning of erev Pesach we are to recite a once in a 28 year cycle blessing, Birkat Hachamah . You can read about it at:
http://forum.kahane.org/index.php?topic=3532.0 and at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birkat_HaHammah.

Davening at the Coattails
by: Schvach Yid



America’s new president has been in office less than two months, a period of time too
brief to allow any development of opinion concerning his public service.

But why worry (What! Me worry?)? All the pre-election speculation about his competence to hold office was for naught; after all, when have we ever had a competent
president?

The Obama wave is disturbing, however. Hype is hype, and emunah is another thing altogether, and when the two are merged…

I’m not a political person, my concerns about the safety and longevity of the Jewish State of Israel aside. I know nothing about politics, public administration, bureaucracy, foreign relations, etc. These matters have never held an interest for me. But the goings on in the American workplace disturbs me greatly, and I’m not referring to the economy.

The federal government after all, at least in one sense, is a workplace.

Perhaps I’ve just signed my death warrant at the hands of the Blogger Gestapo; if not, then the following interview may accomplish just that.

And so, jadies and jents, I offer you the very first, and one time only, interview with Schvach, conducted by Schvach, and may HaShem have rachmonas on us all.

Interviewer: Well Schvach, with all the enthusiasm spawned by the recent election of President Obama, what’s your view of this historic event?

Schvach: I just gave it.


I: The 1983 movie Trading Places starring Eddie Murphy has been invoked by some as a sort of battle cry for the very up and coming, and successful Black middle class in America. What’s your take?

S: Trading places? Perhaps in the forthcoming meeting between Pres. Obama and Britian’s Prime Minister Brown, but that’s about all.


I: Don’t be so cute Schvach! And don’t be so brazen with your answers, lest you receive an unwelcome knock on your door in the middle of the night. Do you have any kind words for the First Lady, Michelle Obama?

S: Well, I don’t know (is that sufficiently contrite?). At a televised meeting with school children she referred to her hubby as ‘this guy’. After having had virtual non-stop indoctrination that such informal expressions of speech are unacceptable, I was surprised to hear her use one with her husband, the new president, especially before a group of school kids. I was glad he didn’t respond by hopping up and down in his chair shouting ‘I am a Black maaannnnn’.


I: What do you think of Michelle?

S: I don’t. But I am curious about the possibility of the First Lady conducting a televised tour of the White House, much as did Jackie Kennedy when she was First Lady.


I: How so?

S: I’d like to see how she redecorates the place. So far, Mr. and Mrs. Prez have trashed a bust of Winston Churchill. But they just moved in so let’s see how things progress. Perhaps they’ll get rid of the bowling alley too; I can’t imagine what will be selected as a replacement.


I: Surely you must have some other views on the First Lady.

S: No, not really; however, I take no small quantity of amusement considering the monikers that some rappers may have already applied to her.


I: Oh shut up!

S: Okay, but it’s your interview.


I: Can’t you muster any respect at all?

S: Respect? Baloney! I’ve been laid off. I have the freedom to hang myself if I choose, so bug off with respect.


I: How about your view of America’s prospect for our first female president. What about Hilary Clinton sometime in the future?

S: Forget Hilary. I’ll vote for Gwen Iffel. She’s smart, and she has lots of personality.


I: There, you see, you are capable of at least a modicum of diplomacy after all.

S: No shit! See here, diplomacy is the profession of dishonesty, and so, honest as I am, it’s a rare moment when anything diplomatic works its way out of my mouth.


I: What about Nancy Pelosi, the current Speaker of the House of Representatives?

S: Nope! I love her décolletage, but did you see her jump up and give the President a premature standing ovation when he addressed a joint meeting of Congress? She’s too eager; she looked had. Perhaps she should be renamed Marionette.


I: What is your opinion of the persistent accusation by some that President Obama was not born in the United States and is therefore constitutionally unqualified to serve as president?

S: Uhhh, well, I suppose given the speculation over a more vigorous (a JFK term) effort to pass through Congress a bill to provide reparations for Black Americans, it might be wise to have a counterweight to perch over the President’s head. What do you think?


I: You’re a schmuck! What’s your opinion about the economy?

S: I’m unemployed – f*ck off!


I: If you could give the President and First Lady a welcoming gift – a house warming gift – for their new move into the White House, what would you choose?

S: A four to eight year supply of Beehive Brand toilet paper.


I: That’s just like you, you juvenile jerk, and you just missed a great opportunity by not saying WASP Nest Brand toilet paper. It would be (bee) a mutual thing.

S: Oh yeah, Mr. Sophisticate?


I: Earlier in this interview you said America has yet to have a competent president. How so?

S: Dwight Eisenhower was president when I was born. Republican that I’m not, I feel safe in stating that he may have been the only competent president to serve during the course of my life to date.

I: Eisenhower; how’s that?

S: He proposed and initiated the building of the Interstate Highway system, albeit for military purposes. It’s useful for the general public, you know. But easily, the president I most favor is Richard Nixon, nolo contendre.


I: That was Agnew. You really are a schmuck. Why Nixon.

S: Are you kidding? Nixon was humor exhibit number one among Chief Executives. The guy (it’s okay, Michelle…) provided a laugh a minute. He was hysterical. Too bad Spiro was his V.P. It should have been Mohammud Ali; he was at least as entertaining, if not more so. And how things would have gotten done with Vice President Mo dropping by the Oval Office. Howard Cosell could have been the White House Press Secretary, and Woody Allen could have run the U.S. Public Health Service and directed the U.S. Marital Relations Board. Just think, the Waif of Jerusalem could have been named Director of the National Parks Service. Agnew was a humorless insult artist. More better Mo Ali as Nixon’s V.P.


I: Anything else?

S: Yes. You know all about the American workplace? The domination, coercion routines that go on, and the White House – in fact all of government – is undoubtedly the same, just a collection of American workplaces, so it’s easy to imagine the baloney buffet that will be served in the current White House. Remember, regardless of who ascends to the number one position in Washington, he/she didn’t get there by being a nice guy. They’re conniving, manipulating mamzerim, the whole pack.


I: Are there any specific events concerning the new president that you anticipate or to which you look forward?

S: Yes, I’d like to see the Chabad Lubavitch delegation show up at the White House to collect their annual Proclamation from the President. Wouldn’t it be nice (Beach Boys tune) if Al Sharpton were there as a doorman to let them in? I can just picture the scene.
Two Marines open the door, and there stands Al Sharpton to greet the Lubavitchers, clad in a combo three piece suit and doorman’s uniform, complete with cap, and a sticky name label on his chest that reads: Hello, my name is Mud. What a victory lap for Obama!

I: What? You’ve got to be kidding. Look, I’m trying to conduct a serious interview here, and all you can do is crack these insipid jokes? Why don’t you get yourself to Walmart already and buy yourself a brain?

S: Okay, okay, I’ll behave.

I: Fine, I’ll give you one last shot. I’m sorry Schvach, but I think you have that wrong. The door men at the White House are military; some may be Secret Service.

S: Well, perhaps in the case of the new President, they’ll be Fruit of Islam.


I: Are you nuts? Leave Farrakhan out of this, will you? You go from bad to worse.

S: No! I can’t wait for Spike Lee to make a movie about all this. The Obamafication of Washington. And why not? We had the Vietnamization of the Vietnam War; now we’re
having the Iraqi-ization of the Iraq war, so why not the Obamafication of Washington?

I: Because Obama isn’t waging war on Washington; he’s the President you dope! We’re not at war with our own president.

S: Who said we are? I’m saying that Spike makes great films.

I: Yeah. Perhaps we can get back to Mrs. Obama. Do you have anything to add?

S: Michelle? Boring, boring, boring. Didn’t she, as an undergraduate, write a thesis on the topic of Black women at an Ivy League University?

I: You should only live so long as to see the inside of an Ivy League University.

S: What a narcissist, and how unimaginative. Why not do a dissertation on an imagined shoe shopping spree with Imelda Marcos? That surely would have been worth some academic credit with some Political Science department, somewhere.

I: Shoe shopping spree?

S: Don’t complain, I could have said celiac sprue.

I: Huh? If you keep this up I’m going to get Julian Bond after you. Do you remember how he handled Gene Hackman in an interview years ago?

S: Don’t you mean James Bond?

I: You doltaholic, get a brain already! No, it wasn’t James Bond, it was Popeye Doyle of ‘The French Connection’ fame.

S: Wasn’t Hackman a Marine?

I: So?

S: So, have you ever seen the Marine Corps flick Boys in Company C, with Stan Shaw, without Gene Hackman? Shaw’s role became a bit of Black civil rights heroics and served as the paradigm, I think, of much of what goes on in the American workplace today.

I: That again? Is that bad?

S: That depends on what you mean by the word ‘is’. Okay, I’ll cut it out. That depends on what you like about work. One man’s heroics is another man’s harassment. How do you feel about the American workplace?


I: Hey, I’m asking the questions around here.

S: What’s the matter, don’t you like playing trading places games? Really, how do you feel at work? Harassed? Coerced? Subjugated? Do you like going to work?


I: No way! If I answer that one I’ll never work again.

S: You too?


I: To conclude, how would you sum up your general philosophy of the state of the world, life, etc?

S: Life stinks, then one dies.

I: Is that the best you can do?

S: Alright, but just for you: Buy low, sell high.

I: Laid off my ass. You're fired!

Gallows Humor from Mr. Mark
by: SchvachYid

That’s Jonathon Mark, author of the Route 17 blog of The New York Jewish Week,

Jerry meets Yehuda on a kibbutz. Working alongside each other, Jerry notices Yehuda’s numbers — 7416, memorable because they were the last four digits of Jerry’s social security number. Years later, Jerry is a tour guide for Americans in Israel. He meets a particularly difficult client who breaks down and explains his sorry life, “everyone was killed except for me.” He rolls up his sleeve — 7417. The American whispers, “number 7416 is very much alive and I know where he can be found.”

I didn’t say it’s funny, just humor.

Fun and Games at Someone Else’s Corral
by: SchvachYid

Have you ever seen a duck beat up a dog? I have. I know a couple with a large house. They have a large backyard to match. The house and backyard sit along a canal. The canal is infested with ducks - large, ugly ducks. Sorry, I know ducks have a very positive image, but these ducks are from hunger, and I think they know it. They look like a hybrid between a more conventional species of duck and a turkey. Imagine a duck with the face of a turkey. Ugly! And big; much larger than an everyday, run of the mill duck.

The ducks help themselves to everyone’s property. They’re all over the place. One of the couple’s dogs, a breed that’s a cross between a Chihuahua and a Papillion, took exception to the intrusion of one of the ducks into ‘his’ backyard, and decided to matters into his own muzzle.

Gavalt! The duck grabbed the canine with its bill and proceeded to beat the pooch with its wings. The pooch was just a pup. Dummy. The dog yelped and screamed. What a scene - it could have been of Mohammed Ali attending a Shalom Zachor.

Once the duck had had enough, it let the dog go, jumped into the water (I’m glad it didn’t take the pooch with him), and proceeded to very nonchalantly clean itself free of doggy contaminant. What a champ. Yech!

The large backyard that sits along a canal has a pier that leads to a boat gazebo. The couple had a young visitor who likes to fish, so I fished with him. He caught a catfish (not kosher). The catfish managed to just about swallow the lure. There we were, the three of us, the kid and me attempting to free the lure from the fish’s mouth - and an alligator. Wonderful!

An alligator had decided to establish its territory in the canal off the couple’s house. Large ducks evidently serve as a gustatory attraction, even if it is for members of a ‘lower’ evolutionary caste.

The reptile decided that lunchtime was in order and, evidently tired of feathers, chose instead to inform us of his appetite. It swam under the pier immediately beneath our feet.
We saw it coming, and not too slowly, nostrils and eyes peeping just above the waterline.
Fun!

Have you ever stood 5 or 6 inches above a patrolling alligator with its intended meal in your hands? Dogs and alligators invoke different protocols for begging for food. Perhaps we were its intended meal. I tend to function under the conviction that I was not born to serve as a reptile’s shachita.

I immediately recalled my penchant for panic, cut the fishing line, and tossed the gasping catfish into the water, besides which catfish are not fun fish to handle. It's good to be rid of a catfish. Catfish have very large, and effective, spines located along their dosal and pectoral fins. Bye bye catfish. Bye bye alligator.

I appreciate the fact that alligators are not adept climbers.

Jewish Bigotry and Jewish Pain
by: Schvach Yid



One of my favored peeves is Jewish bigotry; you know, the sort of stupid things some (or many) of us say or do to insult members of other groups. Face it, there're a lot of jackasses in the Jewish community.

Here I go: once upon a time I was acquainted with a Jewish female medical student. One fine day she passed a Chinese-American classmate (I was there) and let loose with her impromptu impersonation of Chinese people.

Here’s another: once upon a time I was sitting in the break room at work. Two graduate students were present. One was Jewish – red hair, blue eyes, body builder’s bod; the other was/looked (what I like to label) ‘Pacific Rim Asian’ – no offense intended. The Jewish student sidled up to the other student and let loose with a comment about ‘Chinese people’ and ‘chop sticks’. The recipient of this remark very slyly returned the rude remark with a grin and intoned, ‘I wouldn’t know, I’m American and my parents are Korean’.

There’s a reason G-d created the word 'schmuck’!

Same work place, different student. She’s Jewish. Whenever we bumped into each other at lunch and sat together, the conversation would invariably turn to Jewish matters. One day she announced, “Judaism, who needs that ‘shit’”. Some months later she approached me in the same break room and, with a giant grin on her face, informed me that she had converted to Catholicism, ‘And I love it’.

Okay. Why bother to bring up the subject? Because her parents were Jewish, and divorced. She moaned about the divorce frequently. She was fifteen years old when the ‘fit hit the shan’. Had her folks been devout Catholics, they might not have divorced, out of religious conviction, and, so she probably reasoned, she would have been spared what she considered to be the tragedy of her life.

I’ve bumped into her on rare occasions since. Nothing seems to have changed; certainly, she doesn’t seem any happier.

Jadies and Jents, have you taken a good look at the JBlogosphere? Have you read any of the personal profiles, as in ‘About Me – View my complete profile’? Have you read any Jewish blogs in which the writers scream in pain? Often these offerings are disguised as bravura, especially the ones who post about dating. The singles in their thirties and forties, the single parents who dare the reader to see the humor in a humorless life, the amateur literary pugilists who waste their adult lives chasing their tails, searching for the right solution to a clueless existence. The answer, they convince themselves, is career.

Horse baloney! The career doesn’t help. They’re groping at perfection when perfection is indefinable. Competition? You won? Mazel tov! Now what? You’re still miserable. Well, at least you don’t have to hang you head in shame in synagogue over your occupation, but over the absence of a family…?

What’s the answer? Who knows? It’s not buying a new pair of shoes - that fix fixes nothing.

I think, perhaps, the Aybischter created the coccyx as a tease. We have a backside that hides a very truncated tail – like dogs with docked tails. Doberman Pinchers are the clueless recipients of docked tails, received at the hands of their breeders. That breed of dog can be vicious, usually (I think) when they are deliberately trained to be.

Happiness doesn’t come from training. It comes, in part, from acceptance – of the mutual variety. The assertive competitive schtick has its limitations, but regrettably, in our society, I think most of us have been indoctrinated in little else. Just try to find someone to like you.

And so my fellow Yiddin, I wish us much luck, and remember, according to the Chinese calendar that New Year will bring in the Year of the Ox. Let’s not make it the year of the boor.

Madeline Kahn, Wo Bist Du?
by: Schvach Yid

I have more than just a few things in common with my dearly loved and departed
maternal grandmother, aka ‘Oma’, primary among which is/was our shared admiration
of Marlene Dietrich (and I'm not even into blondes!). So without any further ado, here
she is (no, not my Oma):







And for your continued entertainment pleasure, here is the late, great Kahn (no, not the just late, great Ricardo Montalban– he was great too!) with her impersonation of Marlene Dietrich – don’t you just love it?

Nameless, Faceless
By: Schvach Yid

It’s the name of a blog site, author unknown and unseen. She just posted a bit about her personal schtick with her daddy to be accessed at:
http://shesnamelessfaceless.blogspot.com/2009/01/its-happening-again.html#comment-form

It has rung oh-so-true with me, so here’s my comment:

So what's the problem you're currently facing; some dilemma is irking you? Do you anticipate having your face kung fu'd? Have you discovered 'daddy' in another, and are you drawn to recruiting him/her into your life, certain that you'll live to regret it?

Our problem is that we love our abusers. We will do anything to defend them. We nurture them by giving them all the fodder they want, all the rope they need to hang us. It’s called fear. G-d forbid he should do anything else to us, and let’s not provoke the monster by complaining, so just fluff the freak.

Back in the old days, on my first job as a nurse, I provided care for a ‘kidney patient’.
Her husband was a brutish bully of a man – a vending machine-sized factory worker with a quick temper and the physical strength to back it up. One fine day he arrived on the nursing unit to visit his wife with the older of his two daughters. He wouldn’t let her out of his sight.

As daddy and daughter left at the end of their visit, he slipped his arm around his daughter’s waist; she, as if answering, rubbed her hip against him. Bang! Father and daughter my foot, they looked like a guy and his date. Daddy was f*cking his daughter!

I kept my big mouth shut; my co-nurses were gossiping idiots who hated my guts. They would have gone straight to the guy, and he, no doubt, would have decimated me.

Perhaps half a year later a lengthy article appeared in The Sunday New York Times Magazine, reporting that the daughter had recruited a high school classmate to kill her father, and kill him he did, with a single round from a .22 rifle. The beef – he had helped himself to her on a regular basis, and had ‘moved on’ to her 8 year old (I think) sister.

The psycho-chozer.

Unlike you, I loathe my father. He’s now non compos mentis, having suffered a stroke, two closed head injuries, and advancing senility – and I can’t manage to muster one grain
of rachmonis for him. He never put me through a glass door, never slammed me against anything, but the sound of his voice horrified me, not to mention the emotional effect of hearing the sound of loose change and keys jangling in his pants pocket as he approached from a distance. As kids, when we came home in a good mood with smiles on our faces, my father was expert at wiping the smiles off our faces and instantaneously hurling us into an emotional depression within seconds of discovering our glee.

He never straightened out; he could never accept us as adults. His abused continued to include my bother’s children. Thank G-d they live 1,500 miles away and only saw my father once or twice a year.

Face it. With a healthy brain he was a first class son-of-a bitch. Not that he didn’t have problems of his own (he grew up as a Jew in Germany under the ascendancy of the Nazis, not to mention his SOB family). Still, the responsibilities of parenthood….

So, whoever you are, please take stock. The world is filled with injured people - you, me, her, him, them. Thank G-d you’re bright – very bright – and sensitive. Be assured, the pain will never go away.

Gesundheit!
by: Schvach Yid

Here’s a bit from Bizarro (he certainly is), accessible at http://www.bizarro.com/
courtesy of The Houston Chronicle, at
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20090116&name=Bizarro

If You’d Like to Boycott Israel, Here’s How
by: Schvach Yid

Thank You Chavi Edwards, of the Just Call Me Chavi blog site, for this tip, at:
http://www.kvetchingeditor.com/





Good Shabbos!

Oh Tovia
by: Schvach Yid

That’s Rabbi Tovia Singer of Israel National News Radio, whose radio show is accessible at: http://www.israelnationalnews.com/Radio/Author.aspx/1199

I’m sorry to disagree with the radio comments you made today, but Israel can’t carpet bomb Gaza because Israel does not have heavy bombers. The task can't be done with jet fighters.

Israel needs heavy strategic bombers. The U.S. trashed many of its B-52 fleet in the late 1980’s or early 1990’s following the fall of the Soviet Union. Regrettably, Israel did not/could not acquire any of them.

By the way, I know nothing of the strategy or tactics of staging a B-52 strike, but I can easily imagine that these bombers launched from Israel wouldn’t achieve the necessary altitude until perhaps reaching Turkey, and the distances in and immediately surrounding Israel are so small, I hate to think of the potential for deadly errors and collateral damage should heavy bombers be employed near Israel’s borders.

Cut the Crap Already!
by: Schvach Yid



Here’s Gaza:
Those jerks are complaining about Israeli attacks on refugee camps in Gaza.
Gaza has been ‘free’ of Israel for 2 (?) years, and there are Palestinian refugee
camps there. Huh?

The Hamas leadership is stipulating conditions for a cease fire with Israel in Gaza.
The Hamas leadership is lodged in Beirut, Lebanon. Supposedly, the poor Gazans
are in a state of ‘distress’ over Israel’s ‘aggression’ in Gaza. Have you ever been in distress?
Did you stipulate conditions for the relief of your distress?

Who in the world are they kidding? Everyone, that’s who, and that’s only because most everyone in the world either hates Jews and Israel, or else believes that Israel/Jews are obligated to lose. How many non-Jews do you know who can stand to accept Jews, as a group, as winners? The theologies of Judaism’s two religious spawns assert against it.

I almost enjoyed the presentations of the speakers at the U.N.’s emergency (?) meeting two days ago. Mahmoud Abbas was wonderful – like an outbreak of the plague. What did he demand? Was it ‘to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your G-d’? No! He demanded ‘a united Palestine with Al Kuds Al-Sherif as its capital’.

The Palestinians have spoken, over and over again, at the U.N., in their charter, and in their actions against Israel. This is the way they want it. Case closed.

Please read Arlene Peck, at: http://www.israelnationalnews.com/Articles/Article.aspx/8493

The Filth of the Palestinian ‘Cause’
by: Schvach Yid


Ynetnews.com has a piece (certainly not peace) about a Palestinian Holocaust Museum.
Thank G-d it’s only an on-line, ‘virtual’ entity. But the message is clear, right down to its impersonation of the layout of the U.S. Holocaust Museum in Washington, D.C.

The Arabs were full participants in the Nazi Holocaust of the Jews of Europe. The ‘Palestinian Holocaust Museum’ is the right title, just the wrong accusation. It should in fact display the sins of the Arabs perpetrated against the Jews, beginning with the ‘Arab Conquest’ of the 7th Century C.E., and extending right up to the present moment.

You will recall that Medina and Mecca (properly pronounced Mak’ah, with the accent on the second syllable) are not only the names of the two ‘holy cities’ of Islam, but are also Hebrew words. I don’t know if they have literal meanings in Arabic, or if our Moslem ‘cousins’ merely use these two Hebrew words as proper nouns.

Needless to say, these two Jewish settlements were purged of their Jews in a manner not unlike that employed by the Nazis in Europe during the mid-20th Century C.E., a campaign greatly facilitated by the Arab closure of British Palestine to Jews who attempted to flee for their lives.

And they think we’re the propaganda artists.

I Can’t Believe It
by: SchvachYid

Well sadly, in fact, I can. Love us as much as I do, I’m wholly convinced that we Yiddin are cowards. Sorry Jadies and Jents, but over the past 1 ½ millennia we’ve been conditioned into a state of fear. We whore ourselves.

David Bogner, founder and writer of the highly respected Treppenwitz blog site has posted a bit about the assertion of Jew-haters that Jewish blood – as in blood transfusions - is undesirable.

So what? Anyone who thinks Jewish blood is unfit for transfusion can geh am drerd – please! No matter. His next item is more provokingly disturbing. Here it is:

The truth is, just as Israel has had to come to terms with a Red Diamond as its medical symbol abroad (since the International Red Cross made it clear that the Red Star of David is offensive to too much of the world)…

Is Israel to abandoned the red magen David as it’s logo for emergency aide in response to the demands of the global Jew-haters? Is Israel nuts? Haven’t the Israelis heard of self-respect? I don’t know how old this information is; I don’t care. The fact that this applies 'abroad' is irrelevant.

Screw international recognition and acceptance. If Israel has implemented this self destructive act, then the writing is on the wall – in Greek, Latin, Arabic, Cyrillic, anything other than Hebrew.

What of Israel’s flag? What of Hebrew writing? What response will we offer when we’re confronted with the demand to abandon the Hebrew alphabet? Evidently folks, it’s not far off, and the current serving jerks in Israel’s leadership will be eager to comply.

You can catch Treppenwitz’ blog here: http://bogieworks.blogs.com/treppenwitz/2008/12/filthy-jewish-blood.html

Once upon a time there existed an expression of speech which the Israeli leadership has evidently forgotten; it's 'f*ck 'em'!

We need a brain at the helm. We need some cojones.

‘You Need A Big Oven!’
by: Schvach Yid

That’s what she said. After viewing this video I needed a large emesis basin.

The beauty of Islam? ‘Once people really learn of the beauty of Islam they will have no other choice but to accept it because they will realize it’s part of their nature’. Really?

Did you catch the vulgar language? No accents. Are these people really Palestinian Moslem Arabs? Their dreck speaks for itself.

By the way, Mecca, as in the capital of Islam, which is properly pronounced Ma’kah (with the accent on the second syllable) is one of two Biblical Hebrew words for plague – no small wonder (it’s also in the Pesach Haggadah).


My thanks to Gail of the Rubicon 3 blog site for this info.
http://northernva.typepad.com/rubicon3/2008/12/in-fort-lauderdale-here-in-the-us.html


Here it is:



Oh yeah, Happy New Year.

May the IDF Be With You
by: Schvach Yid


But not with Britain, that Sceptred Isle of Shakespeare’s imagination, as in:

This royal throne of kings, this sceptred isle,
This earth of majesty, this seat of Mars,
This other Eden, demi-paradise,
This fortress built by Nature for herself
Against infection and the hand of war,
This happy breed of men, this little world,
This precious stone set in the silver sea,
Which serves it in the office of a wall
Or as a moat defensive to a house,
Against the envy of less happier lands,--
This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England.
William Shakespeare, "King Richard II", Act 2 scene 1


Ah, England! Are you down and out in Beverly Hills, or anywhere else for that matter?
No matter, just ‘think of England’!

According to Pamela Geller, founder and author of the Atlas Shrugs blog site, the Arab Moslem occupants of Britain are freely expressing their displeasure at Israel’s latest ‘sin’
against their Arab Moslem brethren in Gaza. The poor Brits!

Ha! Remember the British Mandate of Palestine? Shall we recall the muck the British made of their charge?

England has never been very good at international politics. On a global scale, without exaggeration, Britain has made a centuries-long career of screwing up. They’re good at writing literature; in fact, they are superb at it. They’ve been pretty good at composing music, and at theater, as well. Science and Philosophy have been areas of first class accomplishment for the English. In fact, they have probably been superb at most of the humanities and pure sciences (but I’m not crazy about the Anglican Church – sorry).

But not politics. They are utter disasters at politics. The Arab Moslems have landed on
British turf, and they’re there to stay, and they want what they want – period.

So England is calling for an immediate cessation of hostilities ‘over there’, for humanitarian reasons – now that Israel has responded appropriately on its own behalf.

The British know all about humanitarian behaviors. They have had a centuries-long tradition of that. Take the bombing of German civilian populations during the Second World War, and just because the ‘Nazi swine’ bombed the English citizenry incessantly with incendiaries, V-1 ‘buzz bombs’, and the super murderous (for the day) V-2 rockets.

What did Britain have to say about the matter? Hey, America, you do the daylight bombing runs over France and Germany, we Brits will do it in the cover of night.

Brilliant, not to mention humanitarian. And the Jews? The British version of humanitarianism doesn’t bode well for us.

Screw Britain – but gently; it’s important to be humanitarian to those who would do it to you.

A Lesson in Defense Strategy for the Jew Haters
by: Schvach Yid



Well jadies and jents, it appears that the ‘neighborhood bully’ has at long last located his testicles and has finally chosen to do the right thing. Mazel tov! The Jew-haters are aghast and livid (not Livni), encouraging Israel to not ‘overdo’ this most necessary response to Arab Moslem aggression. Maybe Israel won’t ‘overdo’ things. Perhaps Israel won’t emulate America’s disastrous incursion into
French Indochina/Vietnam. Hopefully, this time, Israel will get things right and remove the covers from its binoculars before making tactical field decisions.

Vienna Mike of Arutz Sheva comment fame, where are you?

The time has long past for the Jewish State of Israel to stand up and assert it’s belief that the Land of Israel is Jewish, and that no one may trounce on us on our turf. This belief is supposed to constitute the raison d’être for the founding of the modern Jewish State.


Defense Minister Ehud Barak’s statement that this will not constitute a brief operation is encouraging, but international third party interference has consistently exerted a historical precedence in Israel’s defense efforts, so we’ll see.

So here are some basic rules of national defense, and of life:

When a foreign military force, whether formal military or citizens’ militia, attacks your country’s civilian population, it is the duty of your government to eradicate the foreign belligerents.

One doesn’t respond to one’s foe‘s hostility in order to jockey that foe into a position of having to negotiate, but rather one responds for the purpose of eradicating the foe.

There is no peace possible with a people who don’t want peace.

Take a lesson from US Navy Admiral William‘Bull’ Halsey of WW 2 fame – hit hard, hit fast, hit often.

Kill anyone who attacks, or threatens to attack, your children.

Kill anyone who causes your children to live in fear.

When one is forced to choose between the lives of one’s own children or the lives of the children of those who attempt to kill one’s own children, then what do you think should constitute the appropriate response – 60 years of requests?

A message to Israel’s enemies: don’t start a war unless you are prepared to run the risk of losing.

Knock off the public relations propaganda; the truth of the matter is self-evident!

Hannah Ashwari, wherever you may be, f*ck you!

Tznius, Moslem-Style, Revisited
by: Schvach Yid


I’ve just learned of the existence of Naomi Wolf – the (a?) Jewish feminist. Actually, it has occurred to me that there may not exist a Jewish woman who is not feminist (at least in America), but that’s another matter.

This past August Ms. Wolf wrote about the habit (no pun intended) of religious Moslem women wearing the hijab. Her critique, which was published in The Sydney Morning Herald, can be accessed at:
http://www.smh.com.au/news/opinion/behind-the-veil-lives-a-thriving-muslim-sexuality/2008/08/29/1219516734637.html

She wrote, in part:

What kind of “Western gaze” are all these Muslim women hiding from in places like Morocco, Jordan, and Egypt? … Muslim women are covered up to protect them from Muslim men. I experienced it myself. I put on a shalwar kameez and a headscarf in Morocco for a trip to the bazaar. Yes, some of the warmth I encountered was probably from the novelty of seeing a Westerner so clothed; but, as I moved about the market - the curve of my breasts covered, the shape of my legs obscured, my long hair not flying about me - I felt a novel sense of calm and serenity. I felt, yes, in certain ways, free.

There’s controversy here, and it’s Moslem vs non-Moslem. You can read some of it at:
http://sheikyermami.com/2008/08/29/naomi-wolf-i-need-a-hijab-to-set-me-free/

Please don’t ask. I don’t know if the blog site owner is Moslem or not. Perhaps it doesn’t matter.

Last evening, around 6:30pm, I cruised around town looking for food. Every place was closed, except for the few - yet increasing in number of - so-called ‘Mediterranean’ eateries. ‘Mediterranean’, in this application, is a euphemism for Arab. (At one of these restaurants, the husband and wife proprietors answered the inquiry of a curious customer by telling him they come from Greece. The two owners then turned to each other and spoke in Arabic; she, by the way, dresses utterly ‘Western’.)

Are you familiar with the old quip that one can tell if a Chinese restaurant is any good by whether or not ‘real’ Chinese people eat there? Well, in my nook of America’s Bible Belt, there are ‘Mediterranean’ restaurants with Moslem clients, and those where traditional Moslem attire is absent. One, of course, can anticipate which is which in advance by simply scanning the scene for a sign that announces halal meat.

Back to the subject at hand. - is it tznius? ‘Down’ here I see lots of women clad in traditional Moslem attire, and I’ve had a wicked thought concerning the matter. I think we’re all informed of the appetite many men have for women donning lingerie. Hijabs and abayes are not lingerie, but still, I never saw the big deal of women’s hair getting a guy started until I learned about the Moslem religious tradition of concealing it. In high school, where a major effort of teachers and administrators is directed at assuring (as far as possible) that the young males aren’t provoked (at least in my day), the hair of the female students flew freely.

But introduce this new (for Westerners) social value, and what develops?

Some people at a Walmart not far from my home were aghast (and made no bones of expressing it) at the site of Moslem female customers dressed in their traditional garb. I had no objection; in fact, I see some potential here for the development of a new American male appreciation of female sexuality.

No, I do not advocate that non-Moslem women wear the garments of religious Moslem women, but rather that a little tznius would be appreciated, as in ‘cover-up a bit more’.

Here’s a link to a list of comments and posts on the subject: http://www.hijab.com/.

A Mohel Named Riper
by: Schvach Yid



It’s like the quip about the hematologist named Dr. Blood, or Dr. Dracula, but in today’s A7 edition there’s a post about a bris performed on the 8-day old son of the Chabad sheliach to the Andean Peruvian city (town?) of Cusco (Cuzco). It’s reported as the first bris ever performed in the Andes Mountains. You can read about it here:
http://www.israelnationalnews.com/News/News.aspx/129009

Also, thanks to Mottel of the Letters of Thought blog, here is his posting of photos from his trip to Machu Picchu, also located in the Peruvian Andes, where evidently Yiddin sought to bring some kedushah to a place previously used for human sacrifices (I think).
http://mordechai7215.blogspot.com/2008/10/machu-picchu-trip.html

Here are some more of Mottels photos of the Peruvian Andes:
http://mordechai7215.blogspot.com/2008/10/on-end-of-sukkos-moray-and-how-i-became.html
and here:
http://mordechai7215.blogspot.com/2008/10/out-and-about-cuzco-for-lack-of-better.html

Mottel likes the Andes, I guess. The photos are nice - enjoy!

Okay, Read This One
by: Schvach Yid



It’s by Jonathan Mark of The New York Jewish Week at:
http://bestjewishnewsny.com/2008/12/23/times-excellent-coverage-of-the-shoah-1943/

The Top 10 Reasons Israeli Men Piss in Public:
by: Schvach Yid

#10 - ‘I had to go’

#9 - ‘who can find a bathroom in time?’

# 8 -‘the bathroom at home is always occupied’

# 7 - ‘I forgot to pay the key fee’

#6 - ‘Olmert sold my bathroom’

#5 - ‘Shin bet banned me from settling in a home with a toilet

#4 - ‘Israel has just negotiated all water rights to the Palestinian Authority’

#3 - ‘How else do you expect me to celebrate May Day on Rehov Kaplan?’

#2 – ‘I can’t see a thing through these sunglasses so I figured…’

And the #1 reason – ‘Ehhhhhh…’