Monday, September 15, 2008

The Presidential Race According to Me
by: Schvach Yid

Of course it’s about me. It’s always about me. Where’s the surprise?

Here’s Schvach’s take on the current presidential electoral race. Obama’s a schmuck.
McCain’s a schmuck. Joe Biden’s a schmuck. So help me, I will never vote for that king of gaffe, and if the TV machers ever again cover Biden yapping about his good old childhood days attending Catholic parochial school, I swear I’ll mail him an embossed
invitation to get crucified.

I sort of apologize to the 2 billion Christians around the world for my overtly bigoted sentiment, but after 1 ½ millennia of Christian Jew hatred, there’s a limit to my sense of guilt.

Okay, you’ve guessed it. Sarah Palin.

Oh, how I would love to turn on the TV, view a presidential news conference, and spontaneously long to have sex with the leader of the country. Face it (no pun intended) jadies and jents, what an ultimately refreshing prospect.

Just consider the past alternatives. And what about the leadership of Israel?
Olmert the babe? Rabin, Begin, Barak (no, not Obama), Sharon (nebich), babes? Golda Meir?

What a refreshing idea. Sarah Palin is a babe with oak leaf clusters. I’ll vote for her.
I’ve never voted Republican in my life, but she’s the exception. Screw politics.

So she’s not Jewish. Neither was Woodrow Wilson. Woodrow Wilson was an ordained
Presbyterian minister and served as president of this here country. Do you think he might
have wanted to convert all Jews to his faith. You betchya!

And Palin? No need to ask, of course she wants us on her religion’s bandwagon.
So did Jimmy Carter, and undoubtedly all the others (except perhaps Nixon – he was Quaker – emes).

I’ll take the babe. After all, what can those clowns do right? I’ll take sex appeal. Only the vice-presidential candidate you say? Vote for the presidential candidate instead you say? Charmin vs the other stuff (hey, I’m not an aficionado of forest products, okay?). I’ll take Princess Charming.

Schvach, you’re irresponsible. Damn tootin’! What do you think those clowns are?
Have you ever seen such self-deprecating job seekers as those guys? Remember the
Primary debates? They looked like reality TV. Junk. Crap. America’s future president?

I’ve looked for plenty of jobs in my time, and I’ve never conducted myself with such an overt lack of self-esteem. ‘Please hire me’. NO! I’m not taking you off the street. Go back to the Senate and stay there.

But I’ll vote for the babe because she’s nice to look at, and because the others offer nothing at all.

Call me irresponsible.


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