Like, Hellooo…

by: Schvach Yid

I wish someone would explain the Middle East to me. In Lebanon they’re at each other’s throats again, and guess who’ll catch a not so humble pie in the face as a result. Of course, Israel will. And just what are Palestinian refugee camps doing in Lebanon, or on Israel’s West Bank (that’s right, Israel’s - Israel won the 1967 war, remember)? Why do Palestinian refugee camps exist at all? Why are the Palestinians refugees? They’re all easy to answer. Because the Palestinian Arabs were invented to exist as refugees!

Has anyone ever heard of the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan – the Palestinian Homeland, as in the Palestinian State of Jordan? Jordan’s indigenous population is variously reported as ranging somewhere between 50% and 80% Palestinian Arab, depending on the source of information (very reliable, eh?). What’s the problem? How about the Jordanian royal family; you know, those devil-may-care above-it-all guys installed by Britain sometime during the 1920’s, when Great Britain chose to partition approximately 3/4 of its mandate of Palestine for the purpose of creating a national model (monument?) in the Middle East of England’s monarchal government, in the form of the Kingdom of Transjordan. Twenty some-odd years later the Yishuv asserted its interest over England’s with the establishment of the Jewish State of Israel, but Israel, ie., the Jews, has paid dearly ever since for England’s narcissistic exercise in nationalistic pride. The current Kingdom of Jordan is a throw back to the European nationalism that led to global European colonization and ultimately to the First and Second World Wars. It’s been more than half a century since the sun has set on the British Empire, but not in the Middle East, where the last foreign vestige of Britania’s rule of the waves persists in the form of the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan, and the Jordanian royal family.

And what of the worth of the Jordanian royal family, and specifically of the King of Jordan (oh oh, shades of Romanov)? They’re basically the Hiltons with well behaved kids. The British royal family, on which the Jordanian counterpart is based, could probably take a lesson from those polite Middle Easterners. I doubt the Arabs of England could stand up to the Jordanian royals in the realm of comportment.

And what about Jordan’s daddy royal, the son of Jordan’s dearly departed uber-royal - the late ‘great’ King Hussein of Jordan? Pixie kings, father and son, whose gaming hands offer the façade of peace makers,, while all the time seeking only self-interest and self-perpetuation (remember Jordan’s stand in the first Iraq war waged under the administration of daddy Bush?).

I have a good idea. That pixie king of the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan, the king of the Hashemites (who derive from Arabia, not the Levant) should update his royal resume, pack his pricey goodies, and move to the land of pixie kings and princes – Monaco. He’ll fit right in. He could even role play James Bond as he hangs out in the casinos and at the Monte Carlo Grand Prix (I wonder if he can peak one eyebrow as Sean Connery did?). Religion? So he’s not Catholic, just wealthy. In Monaco, that’s probably good enough, and I assume he already possesses a working knowledge of French. He’ll have a grand time, and the Palestinians can have Jordan. Voila! No more Arab terrorists, because now, the former terrorists would be considered special operations forces of the State of Palestine’s military, and no excuses! Israel could then fight a real war against its enemy, without the diplomatic horse baloney. Whatchya think?

Tomorrow’s erev yontuf. Hag Sameach!